The Hunt For the Wild Otaku
by Lady Sage
Summary: A Horatian satire on anime fandom and conventions: Look on as a courageous reporter researches the life of an otaku, exploring the dangers of dealer's rooms, cosplay, fanfiction, and more!


Hunt for the Wild Otaku  
  
Hello, and welcome to In The Face of EVIL, the weekly column in which we take a look at some of the most frightening and dangerous species known to man, from the grizzly bear to the great white shark!  
  
A new species has appeared within humanity. The evolution, or devolution if you prefer, is selective, occurring only in a few individuals. However, the number of beings like this grows more and more every day. Although they come in many forms, they all may be identified by an obsession over anime, Japanese animation and comics, knowing little of the world beyond it. They are called many things, but the name they are mainly known by is otaku.  
  
This intrepid reporter has received a highly dangerous, yet fascinating assignment: document the aspects of otaku behaviour and life. Terrifying, yes, but it must be done. In order to find such an elusive creature, I descended into the depths of chaos, a place known as "Anime Expo" at the Anaheim Convention Center. Here, hundreds of otaku from all over the country gather in one place to watch, read, and discuss their beloved anime. It is certainly an excellent place to study the different types of otaku and their behaviours.  
  
Before you read the records of my harrowing descent into darkness, here is a bit of background information on this so-called anime. Originating in Japan in the 1960s, it is what inspires the mutation that turns a normal human being into an otaku. It has since spread to much of the rest of the world, acclaimed by fans for its realistic representations of people and life in Japan: women with eyes that take up half their face and breasts the size of balloons; swordsmen and women able to cut a truck in half with a single sweep of their swords; sailor dress-clad pre-pubescent girls who transform into magical alter-egos and fight demons and the like; cat-girls; fights utilizing blasts of chi; wars fought using giant robot suits; robotic maids; and, of course, neon hair.  
  
The first behaviour pattern I noticed is known as "cosplaying", apparently an abbreviation for "costume play". A cosplayer dresses up as his or her favorite anime or video game character and walks around in public view. Stranger still, people react favorably and take pictures. Many of these costumes involve sailor suits, kimonos, and/or brightly-colored wigs. Here is a description of a typical cosplayer: an adult male wearing a blue sailor dress from what even I could recognize as the popular anime Sailor Moon and a short, bright blue wig. He is rather overweight, and badly needs a shave. Or another, a young female clad in what she calls an "okonomiyaki chef's outfit", with a tie-around top and tights, a white headband and bow, and an absurdly enormous spatula. "It's Ukyou from Ranma ½," she informed me. "The spatula is her weapon." It makes perfect sense, of course. What fighter's armory is complete without gigantic cooking utensils?  
  
At one point, I noticed a teenage female wearing a shirt that proclaimed in large letters, "GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL: BISHOUNEN", along with several plush dolls shaped like what I can only assume are anime characters hanging off of her belt. "Bishounen is Japanese for 'pretty boy', but here it means 'really hot anime guy.' Oh, hold on a sec." After briefly running to bestow a flying tackle/hug on a male cosplayer in a long black trench coat with impossibly tall hair, she returned. "Sorry about that. Anime guys are so much better than real guys, though. They're so much prettier! Like here's Shuichi," she indicated a one of the "plushies", as she called them, with bright pink hair and enormous eyes, "and Nuriko," another plushie, which could have quite easily been a female character with violet hair and eyes. "Well, they're both gay. And Nuriko's a cross-dresser. But they're both hot, so what does it matter? Oh, why can't they exist?" she sighed wistfully. Boys, take note: forget everything you learned about what girls are attracted to. They want feminine hair colors, huge eyes, and transvestitism.  
  
Of course, it works both ways. After interviewing several males, both adolescent and full-grown, I came to the conclusion the ideal female otaku is a violent high school girl with enormous breasts clad in the infamous sailor dress, preferably either a cat-girl (a female with cat ears and a tail) or an elf. Interestingly enough, many of the female cosplayers seemed willing to comply with these standards.  
  
Next, I decided to brave the dealer's room, where the otaku go to acquire the anime and anime merchandise they require for sustenance. After waiting in a relatively short line that went out the convention center doors and around the block three times, I was finally allowed into a basement room filled with rows and rows of booths selling DVDs, comics that the otaku call manga, models, t-shirts, video games, plushies, pins and various other sorts of merchandise. The otaku carry around bags that they complain are greatly insufficient for their needs: three of the larger ones could easily hide in one and still have room for three or four model kits. These bags are, of course, filled to the brim with merchandise purchased with enough money to feed the entire population of Ethiopia for a year. Each.  
  
After facing such horrors, I decided I needed to rest for a bit, so I went into a room full of chairs. As it would turn out, I had gone into a "fanfiction panel". I decided it would be an excellent opportunity to observe yet another aspect of otaku behaviour while restoring some of my energy. The concept of fanfiction may be difficult to guess from the name: it is a story based on a certain anime or manga series written by a fan. The otaku generally take great pride in their stories and consider it an art form. There are many websites online dedicated to this "fanfiction", which often includes slightly faulty grammar and spelling. For example, I was given a sample of a story an attendee had written based on the anime Cowboy Bebop: "lol it was kinda cute spike wushdff lyihng on the statisz hrhr wass dead suddenly faye came up 'spike i have dragonballs u r ok' she sad. Fgayr revived spiek wtih the dfragon balls he was ok he smile d fayr gand spike kissed n they got married an d had three giels who wee pretty an smart and were boutny hunters.[1]" It includes some poor mechanics and typing, to be sure. However, with a bit of editing, it could easily win a Pulitzer Prize.  
  
The final aspect of otaku-ness is fan comics, called doujinshi by most otaku. Doujinshi is much like fanfiction, but visual as well as verbal. The art style generally imitates the anime and manga, but it can deviate to a greater or lesser extent. A good deal of doujinshi is written by and aimed at teenage girls: it frequently involves graphic gay sex which in the language of the otaku is called "yaoi" (mostly between couples that do not exist in the original story), a subject they possess a great deal of knowledge on. Apparently in Japan, many manga authors got their start with doujinshi, including the incredibly popular group Clamp, and many doujinshi artists here in the United States hope to be discovered the same way. After all, the demand for gay porn is very high.  
  
So, what is an otaku? Is it a creature to be feared and hated? To be pitied and patronized? After spending four days among them, I have found they are neither. Although they are strange creatures and impossible to understand for normal people, they are content with their lot and most feel no desire to become an average human being. Nevertheless, if you see an otaku, approach with caution! If they perceive you are insulting their precious anime, they may turn to violence, or if you feign interest, they may try to snare you and turn you into an otaku as well. It is best to leave them be, or if you are forced to have contact, say nothing about anime and treat them as you would a normal person, no matter how far that may be from the truth. ----------------------- [1] Quoted from "Teh Wirst Fanfic Evar!!1" by Squee from Big Big Truck Entertainment 


End file.
